


The Song Of Astros

by anchoringsouls



Series: How To Love A God [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Based off The Song Of Achilles, Friends to Lovers, Greek Mythology - Freeform, M/M, Symbolism to Achilles and Patroclus, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 02:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7959334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anchoringsouls/pseuds/anchoringsouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is heavily based off the novel The Song Of Achilles written by Madeline Miller. 
> 
> Poems belong to Nathalie Wee, another huge inspiration for writing this short fic

 

 

 

 

 

 0.  _how do you kill a god_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Do you believe in them, Hajime?" Oikawa asks gently, bruised elbows sinking back into the soiled earth. He lets his neck fall back, dark eyes mirroring the cosmogyral stars. "Gods-I mean." 

Hajime runs his fingers through the long wisps of grass, listening to the soft sound of wind glide across the green. It sings an ominous song, the cold breeze kissing his neck and causing him to shudder slightly. He can't keep his eyes away from Oikawa's ponderous features, absolutely mesmerized by the almost non-exsistent sounds intake he makes when he breathes. The boy's plump lips are barely parted; Hajime can't tell if it is from awe or hunger. 

"If you are asking if I dedicate my faith to the gods above then my answer is no. If you are asking me if I believe they exist in the skies held above us then I answer yes," Hajime finally answers after a moment. He purses his lips, nerves clawing at his insides and clenching his heart whole. 

The curly haired boy beside Hajime hums in wonder, glazed eyes growing hard at the sight above him. "Have you no faith then?"

"I refuse to give my soul a thing that only brings forth chaos and insanity." Hajime twists his torso, baring his shoulders towards the small boy. 

"You know for a fact they are all not like that, though," Oikawa reasons, eyes fluttering closed and head tilting to the side, embracing the sillage of the mossy lands around them. "But wouldn't it be funny?"

"Funny?"

When Oikawa opens his eyes, they're a golden hue of star dust. His lips shine as if he's tasted the remains of a burning comet and his skin appears bathed, lavished from the graces of the passionate sun. "If one day you should let you soul reside in the heart of a god." 

The world grows silent and for a minuscule second, Hajime swears his life has ended. "You speak as if you know the future. You are just a child like me, Oikawa. Don't speak such ignorant words." 

That earns him a laugh from Oikawa, a musical array of notes that set his heart on fire. Hajime's fingers twitch at the noise, itching to touch the golden boy that sits only inches away from him. "It is just a thought, Hajime. No need to worry."

"Say,  _Tooru-_ " Tooru. The name that stings Hajime's lips, cutting the skin there and leaving a residue of blood on his words. "Will you become a god someday?" 

Perhaps it is the fact the two princes are alone on the hill that make this moment so much more personal. Under the midst of stars and looking over the endless fields of grass, Hajime doesn't think he's felt this close to the child beside him before. It is an honest moment, a confession that he promises to take with him until his bones become nothing but grey ashes. 

Rapidly, his breath increases, chest rising with anticipation. For Hajime, the moment feels like an enternity, dragging and suffocating. He can't believe how for him, this is painfully torturous but for a prince like Tooru, this is merely a flicker in his immortality if he chooses.

"How cruel of you," Tooru admits, leaning his bony shoulder against the broader. "Shall you never love me then? Shall you refuse me if I decide to let this part of me consume me whole, so much that I eat the fruit of immortality and defeat death itself?"

Brown curls tickle at Hajime's bronzed neck and he leans away slightly; he was wrong. Tooru was not the sun. He would not burn him to ashes. Like the moon, this child pulled him full force towards him, defying the laws of gravity and sending his heart on a dance into space. What an awful thing that was, to be yearning for the moon, only to find it resides in the dark and lonely sector of the universe. Hajime would suffocate as there is no oxygen in that forbidden place, he would kill himself trying to love him. 

"Since we are children, you must believe in it too," he continues, voice becoming silk. "You must believe in fate and destiny, no?"

Refusing to give into Tooru's manipulative qualities, Hajime pulls himself away from the ground. "I shall love you no more than anyone else does. It is as your mother tells me, I am mortal and you are both god and mortal. Someone like me has no business with someone like you." 

It drives him insane. There is a craving so deep, an insatiable desire for Oikawa Tooru. Hajime wonders how long he can continue like this. 

It wasn't too long ago that Tooru's mother had sat him down and explained the ill fated prophecy of their relationship.  

_"How do you kill a god?"_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

0\. you fall in love with him 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

i.   
stay away from him. legends  
are never boys. gods  
were never people. gods  
do not love.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi Hajime is seven the first time he meets Oikawa Tooru.

 

Bound by the titles of their positions, it is only normal for the two princes to cross paths. Hajime understands that this child is not like the others. This boy, crafted by a god, is a designed weapon. In oddity, blood runs through his veins, the only reminder that Death is still attainable. Hajime wonders if he loathes that fact.

Oikawa lives up to the standard of aesthetic appeal, high cheekbones and plush pale lips. His head is tousled with layers of golden brown curls, wind swept and free. His nose is small and straight, and his finger appear to be long and thin, just as the portion of his body stands. His skin is flawless, glowing like the stars of midnight sky. And his eyes-may the gods have mercy on humanity. Such a feat is almost obnoxious, contrasting against the soft look the child projects.

They are the darkest eyes Hajime has ever seen. Empty, cold, intense. That is not the stare of a child. It is the gaze of a god preparing himself for war, to eat the wold raw and consume it whole.

Hajime is introduced to the Oikawa family on the day of the games. He compares the feeling to that of the tides being pulled by the moon, a string of thread wrapping around his finger only to be connected back to the culprit. This child is a criminal, stealing the attention from everyone he meets.

In all honestly, Hajime cannot understand why his mother and father are so comfortable around the family. The woman of the family, rumored to be a god of space, leaves the young child feeling rather unsettled. She speaks so calmly, features stiff and movements languid. She watches Hajime carefully, those golden eyes of hers stalking each movement he makes. It is definitely not curiosity that leaves the woman skeptic. Perhaps she knows something he does not.

The king on the other hand is quite normal by most means. Despite the fact that Hajime is still young, he is aware of the fact that the king's shoulders are weighed down by the forces of the earth and while it may not be apparent in real time, there is blood dripping from his greedy hands. Hajime is not so foolish to let his guard down around these people. How could he? 

And yet-there is a smaller boy who only stands feet away from him, mocking his entire existence. That boy who's mother bed a mortal being, defying all laws of humanity and godship. Absolutely terrifying. 

During the game, Hajime races the star child. It is a small note but the boy's feet never touch the soiled earth; he is gliding like a ghost caught in the wind. There is no bounce to his step but even so, the ringlets of brown hair sway back and forth, leaving the other breath captivated. As the boy's arms reach forward, the other pulling back, his movement is not rough. It's a sharp movement, yearning and craving, as if he was destined for the finish line. From behind, Hajime decides that he wants to win this race. 

Unlike Oikawa Tooru, Hajime lets the ball of his feet smash into the dirt, pouncing forward after his prey. Each step pushes him forward, desperate and barbaric, sweat gliding down the thickness of his neck. 

They collide. 

Tumbling, the half is yanked from grace and dragged back to earth. His head thunks against another and limbs tangle around each other. A white ribbon falls over their torsos, declaring the winner of all.

When Hajime opens his eyes, he meets a child who bleeds. Lip cracked, the red drips slowly from his pale complexion and onto the floor. 

They smile at each other. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ii.   
despise him. who does he   
think he is? the proud jaw,  
those seaborne arms,   
fleeting sparrow-feet   
planted on the earth as if   
the world belonged to him?

 

* * *

 

 

It's only a year later when the gods come for their vengeance. 

The kingdom is burned to the ground along with its people, leaving Hajime as the only truth it even existed in the first place. The Oikawa family takes him in though, it is not a smooth transition at all.

For a while, Hajime cannot climb out of the personal hell Hades has granted him on earth. His nights are filled with high pitched screams and thundering blows. His sanity is coming to an end, darkness eating him alive. He wonders if this is what death feels like, only eternal.

Drenching in sweat heat, Hajime wakes up to the same person. Standing over his quivering body is Oikawa Tooru, his cold nose tickling against his and his tiny fingers gliding against his cheekbones. The boy's touch is careful, not to be confused with hesitant but he traces Hajime's features with so much delicacy-he thinks he will break. They never speak in these moments, both terrified of what will happen if one does dare.

Hajime can't recall exactly when it became routine. Once the sun had hid itself behind the chalked mountains, Oikawa made himself a spot right beside Hajime in his bed, never touching until hell revisited in Hajime's mind. 

 

It was no secret that Hajime despised the gods. After destroying everything he loved, the child had promised himself he would never get involved with the affairs of one. 

Oh what irony it was to be acquainted with Oikawa Tooru. Trained to become a warrior and succeed the throne after his father, Oikawa was the perfect weapon. Half god and half human, he possessed powers that were unimaginable. Despite having such a strong viewing, Hajime let Oikawa be the only exception in his life. 

By the time they were thirteen, the king had them trained by the finest of warriors. As expected, Oikawa mastered all with ease, painting such violent scenes with a beauty that should be sinful. It sure felt sinful at times, a picture all wrong by all means. 

Oikawa's mother was aware of Hajime's paradox feelings for the boy. So much, that she called him in one afternoon for a private talk. 

"What shall you do when you cannot bare to resist him anyone, mortal? Do not forget his purpose, I created him for my own revenge against the gods who shamed me back to humanity. One day, he will serve as my weapon. That is his nature boy! I warn you, do not forget these words!"

"We both hold hatred against your kind, how does one kill a god to begin with then? They are beings that mock Death."

It was all too overbearing, really. He loved a god-the same god that was designed to kill what he hated most. Yet-he harbored that love and what would be a reality was the most devastating tragedy of all time. 

The desire of a mortal could bring any god down to his knees, weeping and begging Death to take him next. 

 

 

Hajime did as he was told. He hated Oikawa Tooru. He hated everything about him.

It was all for his sake of course. Falling in love with that boy would not only be Tooru's end, but perhaps his own as well. He hated the way Tooru spoke, the way he moved, the way he fought, the way he held him at night. Tooru was aware of what he was capable of and that was a terrifying reality. Who was he-still a mortal with blood coursing through his viens-to walk around this earth with such confidence?  

 

_-and yet I still can't stay away from you._

 

 

 

 

 

iii.   
watch. the quick turn of  
mouth, the gold of his hair backlit  
against the sun shining like a halo.  
if you get too close he’ll burn you  
to ash. if you get too close  
he’ll destroy you.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hajime is eighteen and in love with a man who is half god and half human. 

The two are inseparable by all means. When asked to describe their relationship, Hajime can only offer the same words over and over again. "I will never leave him," he promises. "It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me." 

Hajime knows he feels the same. Sometimes-in the briefest of movements-he thinks Tooru may love him too. But that only makes the whole ordeal worse, a reality slapping him awake when he gets drunk off the possibility of it. 

On nights where Tooru lay beside him, he chants the reminder the goodness bestowed for him. It is never enough.

He lets Oikawa Tooru wreck him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

iv.   
watch him watch you.

 

 

* * *

 

"Hajime," Tooru whispers. 

The nightmares never go away but Tooru is still there. He is always there; Hajime can breathe again. 

It is the first time that Tooru has called out to Hajime before and when he dares to look up at the other male, he finds the dark eyes focused on him. 

 

 

Focused . Cold. Intense.  That is no longer the stare of a boy . That is the ravenous gaze of a hunter preparing to kill its prey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

v.   
when he kisses you back   
hold your breath. do not breathe.  
you are only a small and foolish boy   
chasing the tail of a meteor  
destined for the heavens. if  
you breathe, you will burn.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

His lips are everything Hajime could never have imagined. 

They glide perfectly against his, whispering honest secrets into his mouth. The pace quickens, full force wrecking both of them whole.

 

This god is ready to eat him whole.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

vi.   
making love to him feels  
like building a home, doesn’t it?  
here, the oars of his shoulders.   
here, the temple of his thighs.  
here, his mouth whispering  
your name in worship. 

 

* * *

 

 

Tooru runs his fingers through Hajime's hair, "You hair lies quite flat here."  They brush down behind his ear, Hajime's skin prickling fromm the touch. "I don't think I've told you how I like it."

"You haven't," he says.

"I should have." His hand drifts down to the base of Hajime's throat, rubbing softly across the pulse. “What about this? Have I told you what I think of this, just here?”  
“No,” he says.  
“This surely then.” His hand moves across the muscles of Hajime's chest; his skin warms beneath it. “Have I told you of this?”  
“That you have told me.” His breath catches as he speaks.  
“And what of this?” His hand lingers over Hajime's hips, drawing down the line of his thigh. “Have I spoken of it?”  
“You have.”  
“And this? Surely I would not have forgotten this.” Oikawa smiles, a devious one that warns Hajime he is about to be eaten. “Tell me I did not.”  
“You did not.”  
“There is this too.” His hand is ceaseless now. “I know I have told you of this.”  
Hajime closes his eyes. “Tell me again,” he says. 

 

 

 

 

 

vii.   
when the war comes   
watch his laughter grow cold and  
his hands tender themselves red.  
that is a statue in your bed.  
that is a man turned to stone  
from ten thousand stares.

 

* * *

 

 

Twenty six and the world is set on fire again. 

Hajime recalls the first night they made love, the promise Oikawa had made to him. 

 

_ "Name one hero who was happy. You can't." _

_ "I can't." _

_ "I know. They never let you be famous and happy. I'll tell you a secret." _

_ "Tell me." _

_ "I'm going to be the first. Swear it." _

_ "Why me?" _

_ "Because you're the reason. Swear it."  _

_ "I swear it." _

_ "I feel like I could eat the world raw."  _

 

 

It does not slip his mind that while Tooru is in fact a god, he is also a human being. Exhaustions bears over his shoulders when he returns back to the camp from battle. Oikawa Tooru is fighting a losing battle and there is nothing Hajime can do about it. Oikawa Tooru is fighting Hajime's battle, the war against the malice and all powerful gods. 

 

Hajime is ready to fall in love with Oikawa Tooru. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

viii.   
you put on his clothes on  
to save him from himself.    
you put his clothes on  
to spend your last breath  
inside him again.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa Tooru is dying. 

Truthfully, not in the way most people would think. With each battle, he is losing his humanity and becoming a monster that Hajime despises most. 

He'd rather die before letting that happen. 

 

So on the night before Tooru's next battle, he sneaks out of their shared tent and clads himself in his most beloved's armor.

 

He leaves. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ix.  
you know what will happen  
and you do it anyway.   
you burn because this is what  
it means to love. this is what  
it means to fly.

 

* * *

 

 

Ridding the horse into battle feels like meeting Oikawa Tooru all over again. 

There is nothing graceful about entering battle but there is a force that drives Hajime forth. He reflects back on Tooru's promise, reflects back on his life with Tooru. 

There are no regrets. 

 

He does not regret falling in love with a god. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

x.  
recall the tale of Icarus.  
choose to be Icarus.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hajime knows he is going to die. 

These are the same gods that wiped out his family, that stole his peace of mind, that almost stole his sanity. 

 

 

 

 

They could never steal his love .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_the last thing I think is: Tooru_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_He weeps over me. I know I am dead. This and this and this. He repeats my name, 'Hajime' is what he cries out. This and this and this. Hajime, Hajime, Hajime. This and this and this._

 

 

_I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world._

 

 

 

_I am made of memories._

 

 

 

 


End file.
